We are close to having survived yet another school holidays! Back to school plans are firmly in progress and we are all getting very excited about that. Palming our little cherubs off on the first day at school, to come home and sink into our sofa’s and breathe a sigh of relief – or perhaps climb back into bed and catch up on some much needed sleep!
However you choose to celebrate. STOP RIGHT NOW!
We now have to survive a new year of the playground twats!
You know who I mean
They are the mums who hang around in the playground who either make you feel bad about yourself or they make you feel so much better!
You have the perfectly made-up mums who look like they visited the Clinique counter at Debenhams before sauntering into school with their equally perfect child. How the hell do they manage this?! These almost ethereal creatures sashay in and out of the school playground and poof! They are gone again! Usually solitary, though sometimes you do see two of them together.
You have the anorak mums – stood there looking disdainful, usually huddled together with other anorak mums and they all look like they’ve been sponsored by Berghaus. Scowling quite often, they give off a certain ‘stay away’ aura – and thank fuck for that! (Life goals rule #55 – do NOT end up one of these parents!) Usually middle aged, though you do happen to see younger anorak mums – clearly they’ve been snared by the older ones. Unlucky!
The pyjama mums – usually you can see their George nighties hanging underneath their jackets if they happen to actually walk to the school, but often you can just get a glimpse of them as they pull up, chuck their kids out screaming and then zoom off.. back to bed I should imagine! These mums are not spotted often, however, these mums don’t give a shit and have no time for any other kind of mum! Or any child for that matter. Not even their own 😀
The regular mums – these mums walk into school and deposit their children. And off they go again! They haven’t got time for any other mums and you can’t blame them. Often not making eye contact, you will not see these mums for long and they don’t tend to make conversation with you – this is in case you are one of the other kind of twats. All mums should be like this!
And the WORST KIND OF MUM; the PTA mums. This special kind of twat hangs around the playground long after the bell has gone and tries to catch the attention of any other unsuspecting mums. You must avoid them at all costs. These are the twats who will have you baking cupcakes to be sold in dirty cold church halls for 25p and will bore you about how special and talented their precocious little shits are. These are the mums who are always running after you with raffle tickets and newsletters, chasing you for money for teachers gifts or school fair type shit! These are the mums you visualise punching in the face and never seeing again! These are the twats the teachers HATE but are too intimidated by to admit it!
Dreading the start of term again? I think I need a lie down after writing this!
So, which type of playground twat are you? 😀